maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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