there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I believe in your delicious
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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