I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
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We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
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It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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