Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
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how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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