Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize