he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
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One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
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I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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