The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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