I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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