seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
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Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
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Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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