Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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