I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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