woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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