I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So much rum. So many feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize