I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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