sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
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