So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize