Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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