yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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