she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
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i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
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When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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