suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This baby is an asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize