didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's official drugs can't kill me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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