Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
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Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
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You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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