Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
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You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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