I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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