I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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