i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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