Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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