You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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