Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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