Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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