I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize