My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize