nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
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Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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