is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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