Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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