My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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