Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
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You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
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As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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