do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize