Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
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The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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