put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize