but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize