please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize