Don't make out with my wife yet
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize