note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
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And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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