Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
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So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
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I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He did a backflip because drugs
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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