A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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