guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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