It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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