Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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