No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
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The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
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Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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